I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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