is your mom at the bar?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just had sex on a roof
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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