Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I party with great urgency now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
