I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
