Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
