i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
