yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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