I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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