I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
