god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
