Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
