I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
