i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
