she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Holy sore nipples Batman
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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