elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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