I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
