you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
