Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
