my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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