I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
