so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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