So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
