Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
