my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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