i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
