Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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