Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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