i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
