dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
