Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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