is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
