How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
