yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
