Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
