is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
