just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
