i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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