We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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