4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
