there was a trapeze. enough said
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
