I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
