my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
