my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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