My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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