our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
