how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
