once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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