I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
