this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
