i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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