You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
