My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
