Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
