neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
